Massive Corby Rant

The last two days’ media has been a massive cringe – for readers who’ve never heard the name Schapelle Corby, you’re in for SUCH a treat (if you enjoy watching a half–wit drug smuggler elevated to the heights of a rock star).
Corby was a 26 year old Queenslander who stealthily sneaked 4.2 kilos of cannabis into Bali, Indonesia, in her Boogie Board Bag.   What a plan!  (Seriously?  what went through her head to think the boogie bag was an excellent place to stash pot.  Her handbag certainly wasn’t big enough, and there was no way she was going to get that amount of happy weed up any orifice, so I guess it had to be the boogie board bag, seems logical.   NOT!)
The poor unsuspecting girl maintains she had No Idea that there were over 9lbs of drugs in her bag, and that someone had set her up as a mule.  All over the country, in 2005, eyebrows were cocking.  (…O…..K…..  you didn’t feel it was heavy?  you didn’t see it was lumpy?)  The visuals of the wide eyed Corby being hustled through Indonesian customs was watched by millions of Australians.  About 0.0000006% thought she was innocent.

Back home, her outraged family – including her sister Mercedes (bet Daimler-Benz are thinking of a rebadge…) and 5 or so step and step step brothers and sisters (due to her mother’s various and multiple marriages) – are volleying for position in the limelight.  Large front teeth are flashing  and blame is being bandied around like the proverbial hot potato.  How did their beautiful sister get caught  end up in this awful predicament?

Gee – I dunno – maybe something to do with bringing an illegal substance into one of the toughest and most corrupt countries in the world? where nothing is what it seems, where the line between the law,  Police, criminals and lawyers is blurred beyond recognition?  Where you would have to be deaf, dumb and blind to not realise it was a stupid thing to do?   Clearly Miss Corby started with less than the average share of grey matter, possibly something to do with the cargo she was carrying and possibly something to do with the DNA she was saddled with.  Who knows.  How Dumb.

The upshot, she was sentenced to 20 years in Kerobokan prison and maintained her innocence.  (Derisive snort.)   The once married, not quite part time beauty therapist (she only completed half of her course) spent plenty of time enjoying Balinese hospitality but finally obtained a 5 year term of clemency from Mr. Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono and was  finally released from the Bali 1 star accommodation to Parole in 2012.  As her sister Mercedes lived in Bali permanently, it can’t have been too much of a stretch to say it might have been a fairly pleasant parole.

Now I’m not a fan of the ethics of Indonesian Law, but today I’m LESS of a fan of a system which virtually throws a ticker tape parade for the return home of a convicted drug smuggler.

Today Miss Corby flew 1st class…. (so said Channel 7 news)……

hang on…….FIRST CLASS?  Whaaaat?  Lets just think about that.
I can’t even work out how much that costs, but defs over 5 grand per butt cheek.  And so did the rest of the accompanying family.  Cripes.  Where’d they get that money from?  I love to travel and I’m fairly comfortable …but no way I could afford to personally pay for business class, let alone first!!   Fine.  So I’m jealous.

She flew home.
But wait, backtrack…the last 24 hours we’ve been rivetted to our screens.  (Seriously I would have shot a rivet gun into my screen, if I’d had one.)  Schapelle, who should be in the Guinness book of Records for the person with the thinnest plucked eyebrows on the planet) endured a painful wait for transfer to the airport and deportation.    Lucky for us we had People On The Ground whom, via live satellite, beamed images of the back lane of Villa 9 in the dead of night and throughout the yawn inducing day, to our screens.  Thank goodness.  (Just saying, doesn’t it COST MONEY to use the satellites???)

Finally when the object of our intense scrutiny appeared – she had donned sunglasses and scarf and a handbag emblazoned with the image of the poor little William Tyrell, a tiny toddler who disappeared from his Grandmother’s home in 2014, and has never been seen since despite vigorous media exposure.

Why?  What the F&@^ has William Tyrell got to do with you, Schapelle Corby???

Schapelle got into a van, and left, during which time this woman posted a video to social media of the absolute chaos of the a media scrum surrounding her Balinese villa (villa???) and her trip to the Parole office (sounds pretty cool actually “I went via my Parole Office….”) and photos of parole documents. (Bad mistake Schapelle, you could have sold those pics to New Idea for the price of another First Class seat to London…. your three brain cells must have been out of action that minute.)

So….Miss Corby is in Brisbane, Australia.  Possibly at the Five Star Sofitel Brisbane.  (Crossing that one off my To Do list right now -….as if I could afford it.)  She’s probably enjoying a cosy Dom Perignon with some rag right now, bandying some 6 figure sum around for her ‘full story’.  OMG. What an absolute joke.  I can’t quite decide what the problem is… it –
A) how dumb are we to believe/read/want to read this crap?
B) the Powers That Be – for allowing it to happen?
C) Do gooders – who can’t see the friggin’ forest for the society shattering trees?
D) The First World and our tolerance and political correctness?
E) Money grubbing low lifes, who don’t care how it happened, or who was at fault, or who would get hurt, but it’s a good story and we’ll mediatise it anyway (hey, new word!)

My money is on the last one.

Apparently Miss Corby is “looking forward to moving forward and healing.”  Well Good-Bloody-Onya – I’d probably look forward to it too, if I was expecting squillions in royalties.

I have one question.   What the F___ has William Tyrell to do with you?
Nothing.  That’s what.
You are a  friggin’ loser Corby, using William Tyrell to elicity sympathy.    You are a dead set fruit loop, a gold plated moron and obviously have not grown up in the last 12 years.  Still zero idea of the real world and I for one am not going to be swayed by your blatant sympathy seeking antics.  The money this country has paid out to prop up you and your dumbass family is more than I’ll ever see in my lifetime – imagine if that had been donated to the cause of a cure for cancer or Motor Neurone disease.  Millions and Millions of dollars.   Not to mention the time and the trouble everyone has gone to because they didn’t want to see a young woman get shot.   It’s tragic,  the misplaced use of resources we’ve spent over the last decade and more.   Deadset,   you’d think you’d show a bit of respect,  own up to what you did, show your face to the country you disgraced and the people you endangered, and leave that poor child and his family out of it.  It’s not like you actually CARE, because if you did care about children you wouldn’t have smuggled kilos and kilos of pot into a country where Indonesian children would be affected by their druggo parents.  Geez I hate hypocrites.
I’m insulted.  I’m insulted for the Tyrells, and for William, wherever he is. God Bless him.

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